My Last Breath
by dancewithfezzes
Summary: The Doctor made a plan, it's the end of his days. He's tired of this life, is it even worth living anymore? TW: Suicide attempt.
1. My Last Breath

**This story contains a suicide attempt on behalf of the Doctor, please don't read if you're in a tough spot. If you need help, call 1-800-273-8255 (suicide hotline)**

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"One week," Amy's eyes narrowed. "One."

"Gotcha, bye bye Pond," the Doctor waved her off. She continued through the TARDIS door, following Rory into their home in Leadworth.

The Doctor had a plan, and today was the day. He spent the previous night with River and her loving embrace (the thought made his cheeks flush), and the day was spent with Amy and Rory exploring the various beaches of Huon 6. Very beautiful, really. The sands were made of diamonds, ground down to the point of being soft.

The Doctor put in coordinates for the next location, the time machine groaning in response. When they landed, he opened the doors. A black hole greeted him. Turning back to the console, he flicked multiple switches. The TARDIS' bell rang in complaint. She wouldn't be able to stop him, the switches kept her immobile as she floated serenely towards the collapsing star.

His hearts fluttered with anxiety. Today was the day and he was ready. He pulled a package out of his jacket and with shaking hands opened it. Inside there was a small, clear vial with a single black pill.

This pill was the deadliest in the Gemini Megacluster. Even he wouldn't be able to recover from it, once ingested. It worked stealthily until the last moment when it turned into a horrific reaction. Exactly what the Doctor deserved. The only downfall is that it did have an antidote, but he had no intentions of receiving it.

Doubt filled his stomach like stones. He forced himself to remember. His parents on Gallifrey, burning in their home. His own children and wife, murdered by the president before his eyes when he agreed to join the resistance. His fault. His companions, the Time War, every innocent life caught in his blazen path. Rose, Donna, Jack, River. Probably Amy and Rory soon, unless he got rid of himself.

He unscrewed the vial and tapped the large pill out into his palm. He was ready.

He quickly tossed it into his mouth and swallowed hard. Giddiness filled him._ It's finally happening, I'll finally be gone!_

The TARDIS groaned. For a moment, the Doctor could revel in the happiness he felt. Then it hit him, hard.

His throat constricted, his skin started to heat. Wait, what did he do? He didn't want to die like this. The TARDIS trembled as it grew closer to the black hole, but his body was trembling even more. His legs gave out, heat burned him from the inside.

He stuck a finger down his throat, begging it to come back out. _Wait, let me rethink this. No, I don't need to, this is what I want, is it?_

He couldn't breathe, he went into bypass, his throat completely swollen. He heard a soft /snick/ through the roaring in his ears. Should he die? That's what he wanted. Is it? What about Amy and Rory... That's why he should, but he loves them, which is why he should, but isn't that also why he shouldn't? Who's going to care? They will care. Will they? Won't they?

He vomited up red, bloody bile, that managed to push itself through his swollen throat. He crawled, pathetically, towards the med bay.

Should he live?

In the console room, the switches flicked back. The grating sound of the TARDIS dematerializing filled the room, but the Doctor, a hallway away and drowning in blood, couldn't hear.


	2. A Nurse, Not a Doctor

Wheezing filled the air. The Doctor was back already? It had only been a couple of minutes.

"I think he's back," Rory stated. "Wonder if he forgot something. Did ya see anything?"

Amy shook her head. Maybe he changed his mind about staying for dinner. She walked towards the TARDIS, balanced atop her flower bed, again, and Rory followed suit.

"Hey, Doctor, forget somethin?" She called. No response. The TARDIS cloister bell tolled deep within the machine. Amy and Rory shared a look of panic before pushing open the doors and running inside. There was a pool of red something on the glass floor, blood maybe?

"Doctor, are you in here?" Rory asked. Running to examine the pool. He saw a little needle protruding from the TARDIS console and he frowned, carefully pulling it out of its holder and looking for a label.

"Burnshade Antidote," it read. He set it back on the console, pushing it back in to be covered.

"Rory!" Amy's shrieked down the hall, "Help! The Doctor!"

He came running, skidding to a halt when he saw him. The Doctor's skin was inflamed, contrasting his blue lips. His eyes were slightly open and bloodshot, blood dripped from his ears, mouth, and nose.

"Do something," Amy gasped, horrified.

Rory ran a little further up and found the med bay, grabbed a small bag and a box of gloves. Pulling the gloves on and placing a stethoscope to the Doctors chest, Rory listened. It was faint, the sound of a single quick heartbeat. He heard no air, was he even breathing?

"I don't think he's breathing."

Amy gasped. They glanced at each other, then took action, swiftly picking him up and carrying him to the med bay where Rory gently pushed a tube down the Doctor's throat.

"Fix him, Rory, please!" Amy looked in horror at the Doctor's bloating body.

"I'm not a doctor, I'm a nurse!" Rory cried, scrambling to figure something out. What was "Burnshade"? He's never heard of it. A soft clank grabbed his attention, out of the TARDIS wall came a cannister with needles in it.

"Administer every 10 minutes for 30 minutes," he read aloud. Okay, okay, he could do that. He opened the canister and pulled a needle out, shooting it into the Doctor's arm. In response, his body seized and more blood poured from his face.

"He's burning," Amy noticed. Rory grabbed cooling blankets and packets, tucking the packets into the Doctor's armpits and resting the blanket on top.

Rory glanced at his phone, 10 minutes had passed since he administered the first dose. Time for the second. He gave the shot, watching as the Doctor went into a full seizure this time. When it ended, Rory quickly checked for injuries and began cleaning up the blood on his face.

He wrapped his arms around Amy, who was in tears.

"What happened? Doctor, what happened?" She murmured.

"Maybe he was poisoned, who knows how long it's been in his time," Rory commented dully. He could only watch and hold onto Amy, who was surely traumatized. He felt a surge of frustration, why couldn't the Doctor have been more careful? Why did he put Amy through this?

They stood in silence before Rory administered the last dose. This time, there was no response in the Doctor's body. Both relieving and potentially an indicator he was too far gone.

"Amy, I'm going to examine him. You should go inside and check on the food."

She gave him a stern look, a _no way in hell am I going anywhere_ look. But she resigned, nodding and turning away.

"Okay, Doctor, hiding anything else?" Rory said to himself as he undid his clothes and examined the Doctor's body. He was bloating a little less now, but there was bruising all over his torso.

Rory nudged the Doctor's jacket and something spilled out, shattering on the floor. A glass vial. Rory picked up the largest piece that held a label, "Burnshade." There's no way the Doctor would do this to himself, is there? Maybe he picked it up after being poisoned, he's always touching things and pocketing them. Rory frowned at this, he didn't know.

"What happened, Doctor?" Rory asked. Maybe he already knew.


End file.
